Sorry, pandas

I have long made known my vitriol against pandas: great, dim, pointless beasts who refuse to make an effort to procreate and insist on trying to live on an indigestible foodstuff. They clearly have no will to live and if the forces of natural selection could have their way, they would be long gone.

As some notable naturalists have pointed out, if all the money spent on ‘saving’ the panda were redirected it could be of huge benefit to other, more pressing, ecological causes. But us Westerners with our sentimentality and our weakness for insufferable cutesiness… I suspect the pandas may just have become the victims of my displaced rage towards these cutesy and unreasonably sentimental types, though. And this weekend, I became one of them…

I picked up a 2013 calendar of pandas, chuckling shamefully to myself, thinking what a great Christmas present it would make for my friend who also hates pandas. And then I looked at the pictures on the back and suddenly felt really, really, terribly guilty for all those vociferous, anti-panda rants I’d subjected my colleagues to. Look at them, wee silly bumbling things, just trying to make their way in this grim world. Ach they’re cute, are they no?


  1. I hope that pandas don’t become extinct. The world would be empty without them.

    • It’s true. I do think they’re being sustained unnaturally by humans, but of all the unnatural things we do and of all the things we waste money on, the pandas are a welcome benevolence really. Good luck to them!

  2. elcapitándeldesertores said:

    Also they’re symbolic. In no small part due to WWF. But also. for such a large (cute) and important (cute) mammal (cuddly thing) to become extinct after the dawn of widespread ecological awareness (since I started using shit lightbulbs) may just mean (feel) that there is no hope for the rest of us.

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